Josh Allen Is the Perfect Man for 2020

2020 has been a weird year; macaque monkeys annexed a city in Thailand, the Cleveland Browns are 4-1, and a National Basketball Association (NBA) team led by three white guys made the NBA Finals. Heck, the pigeons in New York have stopped smoking cigarettes.2020 has been a weird year; macaque monkeys annexed a city in Thailand, the Cleveland Browns are 4-1, and a National Basketball Association (NBA) team led by three white guys made the NBA Finals. Heck, the pigeons in New York have stopped smoking cigarettes. So perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising that, after posting 311 passing yards for four touchdowns against the Los Angeles Rams, Buffalo Bills quarterback (QB) Josh Allen is this good right now. After all, there are few, if any, athletes better acquainted with chaos than Allen.

Take a look at his playoff debut against the Houston Texans last year. He ran for 42 yards on his first play of the game, then caught a 17 yard touchdown pass while somersaulting into the endzone. Per ESPN, Allen became the first QB ever to do both of those in the same game. Later in the game, he fumbled without a defender touching either his arm or the football. Seriously, Allen just dropped it. Later, he ran for 20 yards on an impressive scramble before suddenly lateralling the ball to…nobody, costing himself five yards. The play is now a treasured meme and emblematic of The Josh Allen Experience. No one else combines zany highlights—like hurdling over a 6’5’’ linebacker—with absurd lows like him. To reflect his play, the National Football League (NFL) fans coined a popular refrain: Allen scares opposing defenses, but he terrifies his own team.

That playoff game, a microcosm of his erratic first two seasons, occurred in 2019 when Allen was just a sophomore. In that season, he completed a league-worst 59 percent of his passes and accounted for 15 turnovers. He was worse as a rookie, and accuracy plagued him in his final college season, too. He only completed 56 percent of his attempts at the University of Wyoming against relatively weak competition. His highlights and jaw-dropping physical tools—he’s 6’5’’, 238 pounds, and impossibly fast—got him a starting spot in the NFL, but it was sprinkled with predominantly disappointing play. This year, however, Allen is re-writing the script and playing the best football of his short career. He’s a young QB with another off-season of development behind him, so some natural improvement is expected from the past few years. But more importantly, those years weren’t 2020. That’s the real catalyst for Allen’s superstar turn.

Based on his 2017, 2018, and 2019 numbers, a wise person might deride Allen, declare him a back-up and subpar starter at best. 2020 hates wise people, though. It doesn’t care what they think, and neither does Allen, the perfect player for 2020. Today, he’s a legitimate Most Valuable Player (MVP) candidate. Through four games, he’s completed a fantastic 69.3 percent of his passes. The improvement isn’t down to luck. According to Sports Info Solutions, 77.7 percent of Allen’s throws this season were on target and a ridiculous 80.4 percent were catchable. He’s made huge, tangible strides since 2018 and 2019, when just 63.5 percent were on target and 70 percent catchable. The same trend emerges in passing touchdowns and yards. Allen is second in the league in both categories and currently on pace to throw for over 5,000 yards and 45 touchdowns with nine interceptions, a much better ratio than he’s posted in past seasons. Those numbers would put him above Pat Mahomes’ 2018 MVP season, when Mahomes posted a 113 passer rating. Somehow, Allen, master of mayhem, currently checks out at 123.

I’m guessing you didn’t predict that Allen would be a top three NFL quarterback this year. It’s ok, nobody did. Just ask All-Pro cornerback Jalen Ramsey. In 2018, he labeled Allen “trash” and a “stupid draft pick” who’s incompetence was “gonna show, too.” In 2020? “He’s talented,” Ramsey told reporters. Two days later, Allen toasted Ramsey for a touchdown pass to Stefon Diggs. Ramsey’s change of heart isn’t unique. Watching armchair managers and ESPN “analysts” walk back their many, many anti-Allen tweets has been an odd, cathartic, and strangely comforting thing—the kind of thing you wish would happen in politics. Unfortunately, that kind of thing won’t happen in politics. Rather, it won’t happen in politics unless we put Allen in politics.

America needs someone who can do more than handle chaos. We need a leader who thrives in unpredictable and inexplicable situations. Enter Allen. As established, the guy is practically synonymous with chaos. He plays for the Bills fanbase, affectionately titled “Bills Mafia” for its size, propensity to issue online death threats, and famous tradition of body slamming and breaking tables by dropping onto them from genuinely dangerous heights. In other words, he’s familiar with handling pandemonium. Yep, we should make Allen President of the United States.

If you think this sounds impossible, slow down. First, weirder stuff has happened, and we live in 2020—The Pentagon recently confirmed the existence of unidentified flying objects (UFOs). Second, Allen has all the credentials to be President. All presidents are tall, and Allen is super tall. All modern presidents hold college degrees, and Allen holds a college degree. If you’re hung up on the transition from Bills QB to politics, don’t be; there’s an established pipeline between the two. Jack Kemp, legendary former Bills QB, blazed it while serving nine terms in the House of Representatives, appearing on a presidential ticket, and posthumously receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2009. In addition to Kemp, more than 10 NFL players are currently in politics. So go out and vote for Allen. Would a wise person vote for him? Probably not, but since when are wise people right?


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