Angry Teenager Rants About Zoom Spaces (and III Form Girls)

I’m told that sometimes students get tired and decide that they really, really don’t want to do their math homework.

I’m told that sometimes students get tired and decide that they really, really don’t want to do their math homework. Likewise, I’ve heard plenty of stories about English students who won’t read. These students don’t receive zeros on homework and F’s on their report cards. Rather, their neglect is abetted by the reservoir of solutions and summaries on the internet. Thus, they are somehow able to avoid their work…allegedly.

Naturally, I’m inspired by my classmates’ creativity, even if I question the long-term results. So, when the powers that be, masquerading as editors of The Lawrence, handed down my sentence, I thought, I’m a senior, might as well try to get out of this one, and desperately attempted to harness the expertise of my peers.

Could anyone, hell anything, write this article for me? I begged nearly everyone. Unfortunately, the resounding answer was “no,” although one peer deigned to supply a pleasant string of expletives instead.So, here I am, ranking the top five Zoom spaces on campus, worst to best, in the middle of virtual winter. Because that makes sense. Please enjoy.

#5 Ambrecht Room: I admit that I didn’t like the Ambrecht Room much. I appreciate that the School designated a space for the students from the Hilton Garden Inn, and I took a significant portion of my classes there, but I couldn’t escape the knowledge that several other guys could hear me without necessary context. There’s nothing like choking out an especially odd one-liner before watching all the surrounding heads swerve towards you, eyes flickering and twitching like, ‘I turned my phone off to focus; gotta find entertainment. Got to.’ On the flip side, I treasured listening to my friends taking that Freud class—“Yeah, I really liked, uh, Freud’s theories about, uh, you know”—so I guess the exposure is a double-edged sword. Pros: Not the KAC. Cons: Communal space.

#4 KMSC Couches: I love the KMSC. Really. Do I score well in math class? Nope, but I like the turtle outside Dr. Domb’s room. We have a good relationship, Soap the Diamondback Terrapin and I. It’s a long story, but he’s like my personal version of the foot in Pop Hall. He’s my Lawrenceville guardian angel or something. Subsequently, when I began looking for Zoom spots, I figured I would pair up with my snappy friend and provide him with some rare entertainment. I quickly realized he wasn’t paying attention during math class, though, so I left in search of a more comfortable spot. About 10 feet down the hall, I found the KMSC couches. There are people around, yeah, but less than in ‘Brecht or a similar designated space, and the seats are perfect for sleeping in class. Pros: Comfy seats. Cons: You can’t touch the turtle.

#3 KMSC Porch: Amidst all the screen time, most of us spent a little too much time indoors. Granted, meals were forcibly eaten outside, but the point stands: The student body could do with a lil’ more sunshine. Correspondingly, I recommend the KMSC porch. The chairs are large and the pillows are soft; people rarely occupy the space; and outside class can go a long way towards remedying Zoom burn-out. You can eat during class if you’re outside, too. The catch—there’s always a catch, isn’t there—is the cold weather. Late fall, this spot is probably not so hot. Pros: Outdoors and you can eat. Cons: Only works when it’s warm.

#2 GCAD Harkness Room: I discovered the GCAD Harkness room during the second week of classes. It was a perfect match; I didn’t have to talk to, acknowledge, or see anyone while preparing for class. Further, I could put the window blinds down and render myself invisible to the outside world. The room even came equipped with a table for my computer. I had it made.

Then came the sophomore girls. Lots and lots of sophomore girls. Within days, they smoked me out of the room and annexed it. I mounted a resistance but conceded defeat before November. I could never get to the spot before them. It’s nice to think that I could have won if the HGI bus rides hadn’t hamstrung me, but ultimately there’s no hiding from the truth. Sophomore girls armed with sugary Starbucks drinks will always wake up before me. I just have to accept my shortcomings.

Sophomore girls, if you had spoken to me, we could’ve cut a deal: I would take the room during the fall for college apps, and you guys could have it in the spring, when your classes are the most difficult. Instead, y’all recklessly invaded my turf. Although I know it’s a losing battle, I’m prepared to go to war again this spring. I may not have frappes, but I must keep my dignity. Pros: Comfy, isolated, and has a big TV screen. Cons: Never actually available.

#1 Pop Hall Offices: The basement of Pop Hall has several offices, a few of which are reserved for publications like Olla Pod and L10. Those offices are prime Zoom real estate. No one can bug you, they are comfortable, and no one can oust you because the offices are reserved for the publications. The catch—there’s always a catch—is that you can’t access the offices unless you’re one of a privileged few students. The Zoom offices are reminiscent of heaven: Great in theory, but none of us can actually get there. However, I’m sure I’ll keep trying to sneak in anyways. Pros: Really cool if you have the key. Cons: You can’t actually go in.

Ok, I’m not done yet. The editors want me to write a conclusion. Well, I don’t really know what to say. Students won’t return to campus until the spring. In the meantime… maybe make a note of my recommended spots and check back in March? Wait. Actually, in the meantime, catalogue your best Zoom spots this winter and send them to Avigna Ramachandran! We want to see what y’all are up to. As Corona says, find your beach.


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