If the Circle and Crescent Houses were Netflix Shows…
Over quarantine, many Lawrentians, I included, spent quality time binge watching Netflix shows.
Over quarantine, many Lawrentians, I included, spent quality time binge watching Netflix shows. From Tiger King to Outer Banks, and of course, classics like Grey’s Anatomy, Lawrentians covered quite a bit of ground on the streaming platform. While I’m no Netflix connoisseur, I’ve been tasked with compiling a list of TV shows to represent each of the Circle and Crescent Houses. With the help of online summaries—and with no bad intentions—here is the show your House would be if Lawrenceville were Netflix.
Griswold: Fuller House. Your classic feel-good TV show. Between the Cuniffs, the Chaputs, and all the Gris boys, there’s no doubt that Gris is most definitely always a full house.
Cleve: All American. We all know the Cleve House has a passionate love for House football, so it seems only fitting to give them All American. Not to mention that its Head of House is one of the assistant football coaches. Football seems to be engraved in the Cleve DNA. Epic highs and lows of House football, right?
Woodhull: Survivor. Survivor is known for having crazy tribal challenges throughout the competition, and I think Woodhull’s Haka dance would be a fairly entertaining challenge on the show: How many times can each tribe do the Haka before you pass out from exhaustion? Woodhull only performs the Haka once—at the Hill Day bonfire…well at least until the administration shut it down. Hopefully, Survivor’s producers won’t cancel the challenge, too. Grown men covered in body paint dancing around a fire? What could go wrong?!
Dickinson: Big Mouth. Netflix calls it an “edgy comedy,” and Lawrenceville could call Dickinson the same. Running around campus in your underwear in freezing weather? Edgy? Sure. Comedic? Eh. I’m sure Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg would love to make an episode about a bunch of teenage boys who run practically naked through their school’s campus. That would definitely rack in a ton of views. Netflix, take notes...
Hamill: Bob’s Burgers. According to the show description, “Bob believes his burgers speak for themselves and isn’t afraid to offer a variety of off-beat creations.” Yup, that’s definitely Meatsplosions...
Kennedy: Scooby Doo. Everybody knows Scooby-Doo. We don’t really know what’s happening in those episodes (there’s not much plot), nor do we ever know what’s happening in Kennedy! Honestly, at this point, give Kennedy its own episode because I’m sure there’s a mystery or two in there that could use some solving.
Carter: New Girl. Carter is the new girl House and moved into the Crescent in 2010. Sounds familiar, right? Quirky like Jess, but the perfect addition to the Crescent!
McClellan: The Great British Baking Show. The obvious choice here would be Chopped, but unfortunately, Chopped isn’t on Netflix. With their new production of McChopped, The Great British Baking Show is only fitting, except turn Gabby Medina into Mary Berry and Evelyn Dugan into Paul Hollywood. Maybe in their next season, they’ll talk in British accents!
Kirby: Gossip Girl. While Gossip Girl may have been removed from Netflix, it has been (and always will be) a classic. Kirby girls seem to be in the know about everyting, not to mention their excellent fashion sense. They might not be online gossiping about each other, but you can bet that they’re making an online presence with their @drpepperofkirby Instagram account and their #kirspicy hashtags. If you’re looking for the newest tea on campus, chances are that a Kirby girl has it.
Stephens: Criminal Minds. I’ve come to learn that a good chunk of the Stephens House is obsessed with Matthew Gray Gubler (I’m looking at you, Emma Kim and Adi Jung). While Stephenites may have watched Criminal Minds an embarrassing amount of times, don’t count on them if you need to investigate a crime; chances are they only watch the show for MGG. Besides, why would you ever call a Stephens girl to help solve a murder mystery?
Stanley: Outer Banks. The theme ‘surf and turf’ seems to always resurface for Club Stan every three or four years, and while it’s not entirely Pogues vs. Kooks, the two share quite a few similarities. Well, maybe minus DJ Andrew Chen...but rest assured, if John B pulled up in his floral shirt to Club Stan, you’d probably never know that he wasn’t from Lawrenceville.